Monday 9 March 2009

Conan the Barbarian+Ketamine=Bathory?



So my housemate turned up at 1AM on a week nite, pissed up with a few wastegash and a bunch of K. I have wanted to re-try K for a while now but it was 2am and I was nearing the end of Boyz n the Hood again, so K was not really right for that specific moment in my life. He did however leave me a bit and to be honest when I got home the following evening the temptation was too much. Conan the Barbarian was on a 12.30 and I thought, 'fuck it' and did maybe two smallish pick-bumps and just sat down on my bed and started listening to Darkthrone 'The Serpents Harvest', then Conan began. I thought this was the one with Grace Jones in it but it wasn't and I actually hadn't seen this one before somehow. Anyway, it was fucking amazing, I was hella confused as its pretty psychedelic in the beginning and there's very little dialogue. Actually, I totally forgot I was watching Conan at all, I was convinced it was a bio of the legendary Swedish black metal band Bathory. Like fully convinced. People were bbm'ing me and I was convinced my BlackBerry Curve had transformed into this piece of shit. However, it did really lend to the movie in a way and I followed the the storyline as meticulously as a cat cleaning its coat. Anyways, the intensity of the sparse dialogue had me gripped tight in a viper like vice, these ones standing out the most...

Thulsa Doom Infidel Defilers. They shall all drown in lakes of blood. Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark. Now they learn why they fear the night.

Subotai He is Conan, Cimmerian, he won't cry, so I cry for him.

Conan For us, there is no spring. Just the wind that smells fresh before the storm.

Subotai Hey, old man, where did you get this stuff?
The Wizard The dead... the gods are pleased with you, they will watch the battle.
Conan Are they going to help?
The Wizard No.
Conan Well, then tell them to stay out of the way.

I guess judging by this cover it isn't hard to see the parallels...