Monday 1 December 2008

Tube Fuckiness

Whilst at the Queen's for tea recently I noticed she had a BlackBerry so I asked for her PIN. She went out bowling the other nite with Andrew and some other toffs for Di's December remembrance party. Here's what unravelled when she took public transport home that nite...

The Queen-You missed a cracking bit of bowling. I am overhearing the funniest conversation at the moment
The Queen-Some guy is getting his mack on like you with a really drunk girl, they've been on a date and he's promising her the world. She's all horny too. They're sat right in front me. They so wanna get it on, but are tiptoeing around it in a really drunk and stupid way
Me-Hahahahahah. Like me? What
The Queen-He just said he's gonna take her to a French wine bar called Beaujolais. Sooooo jokes. They're snogging now. For the first time
Me-I know that place. Its in Soho. I've blates been there hahahahaha
The Queen-He just said the atmosphere is gonna be wonderful
Hahahahahahaha. I'm there. I'm that guy
The Queen-Hahahaha. I meant like you wouldn't believe. Missed a bit. He's massaging her now. This is so weird. He even pulled the hand on the knee massage. I ain't seen that in a while
Me-Hahahahahaha. Classic. Like anyone ever needed their knees massaged
The Queen-I know. They're staring into each others eyes now
Me-They're gonna fuck
The Queen-He just snogged her. She just said, 'where are you sleeping tonight?'
Me-Fuckers fuckers fuckers fuckers fuckers... Worst invitation ever
The Queen-They are literally right in front of me in an empty carriage
Me-She's a 4?
The Queen-Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckers. Nah, she's alright. Might be Spanish. He looks like a a complete thug but is really well spoken. I could reach out and grab her tit right now. Oh my god. They're just staring into each others eyes now, but she is grabbing his chubby. This is happening right in front of me, they must know I can see, there's no one else on the tube and they're a meter away from me. Hahahaha
Me-Get your dick out. Just do it. Take a pic for the blog!
The Queen-Nah, he'd kill me. Hahahaha. Oh my god my camera just flashed. They're looking at me now. They kinda stopped
The Queen-Look down look down
Me-Now get your dick out
The Queen-I know. Hahahahahahhahaha. I am dead. Oh dear
(Sends above picture)
Me-Hahahahahahahahaha. Tell him you thought he was famous and he'll get all blushy
The Queen-I think he is blushy. She's been getting him going for a bit now.
You get that? Sooooo jokes. I still can't look at them. They might kill me. She's trying to toss him off
Me-Hahahahaha. Tube sex. Classic
The Queen-I know. Glad I just got off that one. I think they are too. They got all "comfy" when I left
Me-You're a right paps tonite
The Queen-Hahaha. 'They' just went home to fuck. So jokes.