Tuesday 30 June 2009

Fuck Off Heatwave


Man, I am guessing by now everyone has noticed how retardedly hot its been of late. Like, what the fuck really, it's so fucking hot right now and its almost midnite. I've been trying to write this post all nite and I was so hot I just couldn't think straight enough to actually sit down and type. I haven't been away in years but I just remembered why. Why spend a bunch of cash to go to a hot country? To get hot and agitated? No thanks. I'm thinking of going to Ireland to get AWAY from the heat.

A shop I once worked at had this fucked up air-con that basically kept the shop horribly warm and germ ridden in the winter with its wafting and in the summer it always broke down when it got anywhere near like 25º, which was usually in the morning. Then it would get real busy and super hot in the afternoon and I remember I used to get this weird repetitive thought pattern where I'd keep daydreaming of being even hotter than I was (we demanded a thermometer to equate how hot it actually was - it was regularly 35º). It usually involved me wearing three shirts, two hoodies, a big jacket, hat, gloves, two pairs of socks like EVERYTHING. Anyway then I'd imagine being so hot I'd like spontaneously combust on the shopfloor all over a pair of Puma Mostro's and their future owners. But in reality I was ignoring annoying Italian women's request for a size, 'half past forty one', in said Puma monstrosity.

The one main thing that annoys me about the heat is I find it fucking hard to get high. I mean, I smoke weed and its consistently good weed but it's so hot it just doesn't last or something. Like I get stoned after a bong rip or two and then half an hour later its looking back at me all forlorn and wanting it again. More on that bong soon. So earlier I tired to combat the heat/weed dilemma by going for a zoot in the park as the sun was going down. I almost got cold and was pretty lean whilst I was there in the shade but that was about it. I guess it's because in the heat you want refreshment and weed is even less refreshing than a pint of tahini drunk from a sand goblet.

You know what is refreshing though? EVIAN. Yes, I am talking about that water again. Yesterday I finally found a stockist for glass bottles of my favourite tipple and you know what? It was rather anti-climactic for want of a worse phrase. It tasted different. Not as 'creamy' as regular plastic bottled Evian. Who would've thought. Wait a sec, maybe if somebody grew a strain of weed that was 'engineered' with Evian all my problems could be over? That's it, that's the one. G13 'Evian' please if you're reading cultivators...

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